yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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