Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
