well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
