and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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