Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The power of my boobs compel you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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