Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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