Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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