Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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