Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
