Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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