Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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