But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
