You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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