I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize