Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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