The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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