Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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