so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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