i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
