when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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