you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
