You made me cry and you don't even care
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
