Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
