tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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