Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
