What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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