you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
