Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
