well most of my day revolves around power hour
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
