Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
