It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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