I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
