still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
