She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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