Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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