Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
