the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
