a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
