hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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