im six kinds of drunk right now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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