It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
