You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
