I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
