Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
