anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
