It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
