The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
