The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
