the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
