The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You're like the curious george of whores
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
