Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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