wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
