saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
