but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
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All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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