I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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