Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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