Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
how does that bad decision feel?
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