around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
