You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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