I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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