girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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