Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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