Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i've created a new STD.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
