Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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