im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Threesome in a minivan. New low
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
