Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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