You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
