so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
