I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
