Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
