I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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