i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
