I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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